Much has been made of Ted Lasso’s complete and utter lack of comprehension of the game of football. I, myself, wrote a 3,000 word piece on it just last week. But his instincts for dressing room chemistry were expected to help AFC Richmond become greater than the sum of their parts, and I walked away from that breakdown feeling surprisingly optimistic.
That is, assuming Lasso’s gamble to bench Jamie Tartt would payoff like it did in the second half against Watford, with a revitalized squad and a potentially reengaged superstar eager to finally be part of the team.
Spoiler: It did not payoff. Quite the opposite, actually.
Continue reading “Dani Rojas: Ted Lasso’s Keymaster”
In a shocking development from the board room of the Dog Track, Manchester City has formally exercised their right to terminate the loan agreement and recall Jamie Tartt back to the Etihad.
Continue reading “BREAKING: JAMIE TARTT RECALLED TO MANCHESTER CITY”
It was shaping up to be another ho-hum Premier League season until a bit of bedroom drama in Southwest London turned all eyes to the bottom of the table. In a headline seemingly ripped from 1989’s hit comedy classic Major League, AFC Richmond’s philandering owner Rupert Mannion was forced to relinquish control of the club to his now ex-wife, Rebecca Man — errrWelton, as a result of their messy divorce saga. Maybe Mannion thought he had a hall pass? I don’t know, not my department. Regardless, it took less than two minutes for Ms. Welton to put her stamp on the side.
Continue reading “Five Reasons AFC Richmond will finish top five under Ted Lasso”
The Grey Hounds squared off against Watford on Saturday and… hold on, they won? Admittedly I blacked out after the intra-squad fight. (Again, have some dignity and throw an actual punch for fuck’s sake.)
After going 2-0 down early in the first half thanks to some truly appalling defending from the “legend” Roy Kent, Tartt scored two to equalize just before the half – and his benching. The first was a beautiful solo run up the middle, beating multiple defenders before smashing one in. The second was a rather stunning curler of a free kick from just out the box after Obisanya drew the foul.
The second half was surprisingly level, and you have to wonder if the Man City loanee is hurting more than he helps. In the dying the minutes of the game, a bit of combo play in the midfield sprung THE LEGEND Roy Kent free into Watford’s box. He drew the keeper in before playing a sitter across to a wide open Obisanya for the game winner.
It’s anyone guess what happens from here with Tartt, but the rest of the side was clearly invigorated by his departure. With the January transfer window ahead, there may actually be a reason for optimism. Hell, I might even write a real piece about it.
Check out the highlights and rejoice!
Live from the Dog Track, where pretty boys go to die.
Ted Lasso is a wanker. Thankfully all footage from today’s match has already been stricken from the internet. Is it too late to bring back Old George What’s-his-name?
I mean what in the fuck was that even? What happens inside the walls of Nelson Road stays inside Nelson Road, but some things are just too funny not share and it’s clear now that I’m never going to get fired so here it goes. Jamie and Roy got in the most comically bitchy little forehead fight in the locker room at halftime. It’s amazing no one threw a slap. Fucking hilarious.
Where I come from, the locker room is the one place where it’s totally safe to throw a punch. I’ve seen more dudes choked in a locker room than on Porn Hub. Leave it on the field when you play other teams. Leave it in the dressing room when it’s a teammate, then go have a beer when you’re done. At least they got it out of their system. Maybe they’ll start getting stuck in out there now. I’d give my left nut to see one of these guys finally put two studs through someone’s shins.
Live from Nelson Road, put some respect on the game.