Welton’s Assistant Mr. Higgins Promoted to Director of Football Operations

Leslie Higgins was promoted from garden gnome to Director of Football Operations late last night. Though some outside of Nelson Road may have been surprised, anyone that has seen him shuffle around in Ms. Welton’s wake since the divorce would have figured as much.

Mr. Higgins knows almost nothing about football, and this will almost certainly have disastrous implications for the future of AFC Richmond on the pitch. He does, however, know where the bodies are buried, as they say, so Ms. Welton will undoubtedly keep him within spitting distance. In the event that former owner Rupert Mannion ever disappears or dies, it’s safe to say Leslie Higgins will be sure to follow.

Live from the Dog Track, this is Devin, wondering how long it will be until someone realizes there’s an intern running a Premier League club’s entire website.

Club Unveils TED LASSO Seat Design

In a surprisingly swift and efficient endeavor, especially considering no one has yet noticed an American intern is running the website, AFC Richmond has unveiled a new stadium feature. Emblazoned on the West End, a new seat design reads “TED LASSO” in honor of the new manager.

Though he’s yet to even reside over a practice and knows literally nothing about the sport, I’m sure no one will regret this decision at all.

My prediction? Someone will drunkenly defecate in one of the “TED LASSO” seats before the end of his first match in charge.

Live from Nelson Road, this is insane.