The Right Side Won at Everton

Last week we talked about Dani Rojas, the ways in which he might fit into Ted Lasso’s system, and how he might be the key to unlocking this AFC Richmond side. I was exactly spot on in my assessment, Dani Rojas played in just the way I said he would, the Grey Hounds became the Ghostbusters (or something), and I defy you to find a single scrap of game footage to the contrary.

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Dani Rojas: Ted Lasso’s Keymaster

Much has been made of Ted Lasso’s complete and utter lack of comprehension of the game of football. I, myself, wrote a 3,000 word piece on it just last week. But his instincts for dressing room chemistry were expected to help AFC Richmond become greater than the sum of their parts, and I walked away from that breakdown feeling surprisingly optimistic.

That is, assuming Lasso’s gamble to bench Jamie Tartt would payoff like it did in the second half against Watford, with a revitalized squad and a potentially reengaged superstar eager to finally be part of the team.

Spoiler: It did not payoff. Quite the opposite, actually.

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Five Reasons AFC Richmond will finish top five under Ted Lasso

It was shaping up to be another ho-hum Premier League season until a bit of bedroom drama in Southwest London turned all eyes to the bottom of the table. In a headline seemingly ripped from 1989’s hit comedy classic Major League, AFC Richmond’s philandering owner Rupert Mannion was forced to relinquish control of the club to his now ex-wife, Rebecca Man — errrWelton, as a result of their messy divorce saga. Maybe Mannion thought he had a hall pass? I don’t know, not my department. Regardless, it took less than two minutes for Ms. Welton to put her stamp on the side.

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Welton’s Assistant Mr. Higgins Promoted to Director of Football Operations

Pennyfeather Higgins was promoted from little bitch to Director of Football Operations late last night. Though some outside of Nelson Road may have been surprised, anyone that has seen him shuffle around in Ms. Welton’s wake since the divorce would have figured as much.

Mr. Higgins knows almost nothing about football, and this will almost certainly have disastrous implications for the future of AFC Richmond on the pitch. He does, however, know where the bodies are buried, as they say, so Ms. Welton will undoubtedly keep him within spitting distance. In the event that former owner Rupert Mannion ever disappears or dies, it’s safe to say Pennyfeather Higgins will be sure to follow.

Live from the Dog Track, this is Devin, wondering how long it will be until someone realizes there’s an intern running a Premier League clubs entire website.