Dani Rojas: Ted Lasso’s Keymaster

Much has been made of Ted Lasso’s complete and utter lack of comprehension of the game of football. I, myself, wrote a 3,000 word piece on it just last week. But his instincts for dressing room chemistry were expected to help AFC Richmond become greater than the sum of their parts, and I walked away from that breakdown feeling surprisingly optimistic.

That is, assuming Lasso’s gamble to bench Jamie Tartt would payoff like it did in the second half against Watford, with a revitalized squad and a potentially reengaged superstar eager to finally be part of the team.

Spoiler: It did not payoff. Quite the opposite, actually.

Continue reading “Dani Rojas: Ted Lasso’s Keymaster”

Five Reasons AFC Richmond will finish top five under Ted Lasso

It was shaping up to be another ho-hum Premier League season until a bit of bedroom drama in Southwest London turned all eyes to the bottom of the table. In a headline seemingly ripped from 1989’s hit comedy classic Major League, AFC Richmond’s philandering owner Rupert Mannion was forced to relinquish control of the club to his now ex-wife, Rebecca Man — errrWelton, as a result of their messy divorce saga. Maybe Mannion thought he had a hall pass? I don’t know, not my department. Regardless, it took less than two minutes for Ms. Welton to put her stamp on the side.

Continue reading “Five Reasons AFC Richmond will finish top five under Ted Lasso”

Welton’s Assistant Mr. Higgins Promoted to Director of Football Operations

Pennyfeather Higgins was promoted from little bitch to Director of Football Operations late last night. Though some outside of Nelson Road may have been surprised, anyone that has seen him shuffle around in Ms. Welton’s wake since the divorce would have figured as much.

Mr. Higgins knows almost nothing about football, and this will almost certainly have disastrous implications for the future of AFC Richmond on the pitch. He does, however, know where the bodies are buried, as they say, so Ms. Welton will undoubtedly keep him within spitting distance. In the event that former owner Rupert Mannion ever disappears or dies, it’s safe to say Pennyfeather Higgins will be sure to follow.

Live from the Dog Track, this is Devin, wondering how long it will be until someone realizes there’s an intern running a Premier League clubs entire website.

Club Unveils TED LASSO Seat Design

In a surprisingly swift and efficient endeavor, especially considering no one has yet noticed an American intern is running the website, AFC Richmond has unveiled a new stadium feature. Emblazoned on the West End, a new seat design reads “TED LASSO” in honor of the new manager.

Though he’s yet to even reside over a practice and knows literally nothing about the sport, I’m sure no one will regret this decision at all.

My prediction? Someone will drunkenly shit in one of the “TED LASSO” seats before the end of his first match in charge.

Live from Nelson Road, this is insane.